#GirlTalk: Should Women Pursue Men?

If you haven't noticed lately, it seems that there has been a pattern of women that have now started proposing to men instead of the other way around and girls have started playing the chasing game. "We're in the 21st century, things have changed. Men don't pursue women anymore, that's just the way it is now." Well, is it possible that we as women have stopped and asked why that is? And while the latter may be true, not everything the world adapts to is honorable and godly.

Here's some tough love: if you choose to pursue a man, be ready to pursue him and call the shots the rest of the way in the relationship. Stuart Mcdonald couldn't have said it any better in his post pertaining to women pursuing men:

"Also bear in mind that when it comes to relationships, what you create and build the relationship on, is what you’ll have to sustain it on...This is important to note because it also applies to who leads the relationship, who “controls” and guides it. If the woman initiates a relationship with a man, she will always be at the helm. At what point does she give him control of the relationship? Why then? The answer is that she doesn’t. Who ever initiates control of the relation-ship, will have control for the duration of it’s journey."

When you as a woman, who is meant to be sought, pursues the man instead of him pursing you, you are robbing the man of his responsibility to lead. You rob him of the chance to put forth the effort to show his true intentions towards you.

Ladies, remember: you are the treasure. You are not to seek, you are to be SOUGHT. The bible says, "He who finds a wife, finds favor with the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22). Not SHE, but HE. Girl, you carry the favor. You are the favor and blessing that is to be added unto his life, but how would you know if you're busy searching?

I understand you see the engagement posts and start thinking "We've been together for years, why hasn't he proposed yet?" or you're probably thinking, "Well what's a single girl to do? I'm lonely and no one is pursuing me, so I might as well do the job for them. Time is wasting!" Well what if I told you dear single and lady in waiting with a naked ring finger, that taking the initiative to search and pursue says that you don't trust God with your love life?

God, the creator and know-er of all things, doesn't need your help in giving you what He thinks is best for you. He doesn't need your help to bring the right man to you. And the right man won't need your help to know that you're the one to pursue and wife either.

In order to be pursued, you have to be a women worth pursuing. A diamond doesn't go out to search for their treasurer because it knows it's worth and value. And the same thing goes here; a woman who is worth pursuing doesn't spend time searching for her treasurer because she knows she has tremendous worth and precious value. She knows she's worth the search. "Well, how do I become a woman worth pursuing?" I'm glad you asked.

How Can I Be a Woman Worth Pursuing?

• Be positioned

Ruth didn't leave the field to find Boaz, she REMAINED in the field, giving Boaz the perfect opportunity to have a view of her and pursue her accordingly when the Lord saw fit. Some of you aren't being found because you're not in alignment with where God wants you to be. God is the best matchmaker. He is able to place you not only where He can use you for His purpose, but to create the divine opportunity for the two of you to cross paths and connect.

• Know your purpose

Be a woman that is pursuing something greater than herself. Seek God on what He's called you to be. Focus on the assignment that He has on your life. Knowing your purpose helps you to know the type of man you need to help you with the vision and purpose God has given you; and not only will he be an asset to your purpose, but you will be one to his, a helpmate. No man wants to be with a woman who doesn't know what she wants to do or is created to do in life. Be a woman who knows for certain what she wants, know your purpose, and be about that.

• Know your worth

The only way you're able to know your worth is by spending time with the One who knew you were worth dying for. Be a woman that knows her worth enough to say no to those that causes her to question it. And let's be real; a woman that knows her worth enough to not settle for less than what she knows she deserves is incredibly attractive and will attract the right man that's willing to put the work in getting your attention.

• Allow Men to be Gentlemen

Allow men to hold the door open for you. Allow him to make the plans once in a while; let him show interest in wanting to do something with you. Allow him to pump the gas into your car. Allow him to carry heavy packages (a true gentlemen would never let a lady carry heavy packages). Allow him to pull out your chair if he offers. Allow him to carry your purse for you if he offers. Allow him to put his jacket over you when you're cold. We know you got money girl, but let him pay the bill once in a while if he suggests.

Don't discourage men, but encourage men. Instead of rejecting him for being courteous, politely respond with a gracious thank you. Guys like to be complimented as much as we girls like to be; compliment and let him know you appreciate his kindness. It doesn't make you less of an independent woman, but doing this brings out the king in him. Be independent but leave enough room for the right man to lead and show himself of a true gentleman, treating you with respect for the queen that you are.

• Have a life of your own

You don't have to sit and wait around for the next guy to pursue you. Go live the life God has called you to live. Take advantage of where God has you now. Live, live, LIVE!

A life of abundance and fullness doesn't begin when in a relationship headed towards marriage, it begins where you are now. Travel to the place you've always wanted to go to. Spend time with your family. Have that girls day you've been planning to have. Do those different things you've always wanted to do (ya know, the ones on your bucket list). Try that new restaurant you've always wanted to try. Take advantage of the talents and gifts you possess. Learn a new hobby. Serve and volunteer at your church or a local shelter. And the list goes on.

Having a life of your own gives more depth to you than your physical attributes, allowing the right guy to want to know more about you and want to be a part of your life. It will also let the guy know that you won't have to be dependent on him to make you happy and that will definitely take a lot of weight off his shoulders.

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Daughter of the King, the right man will be willing to pursue you. He won't look to it as a job, but He will see it as an honor. Stay in Jesus, remain focused and in position, live and walk in your divine purpose and watch Him lead you to the man who will always let you know that you're worth pursuing and marrying. Stop pursuing a ring and start pursuing the King. Don't be the girl wasting her time chasing and asking a man to see her worth and value, the right one will already know.

Let me know if you have any other ways of being a woman worth pursuing or what your views are on the topic of pursuing over on Soul Sister Talk. I'd love to hear from you. God bless loves.