Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser

Why do we seek qualification from others when we have already been qualified by God?

We're human. We want people to like us. We want to feel accepted, we want to fit in rather than to be left out. Who doesn't? I always wasn't that confident of myself when I was younger. I always saw other people as superior over me so I would do things to win their approval of me. No matter how much I tried, I was always getting taught the same lesson over again:

Not everyone is going to like you and you can't please everyone no matter what you do.

Trying to win others' approval is praised in the world that we live in. If you haven't noticed, it's praised in movies and tv shows. Movie scenario: A new boy or girl moves into town, has to go to a new school and attempts to make new friends but ends up in the popular cool crowd. They end up losing themselves having to figure out that none of the things they did to feel accepted was worth it, and they are better off just being themselves and sticking to their beliefs. Pretty sure you've seen something like this right?

If we can be honest, trying to please people into getting them to like you is exhausting. You're keeping up with the world and other people around you but you're not keeping up with yourself. It can also contradict with your relationship with God. Long story short; in the end, it's just not worth it.

Whenever I feel pressured into trying to please people I always think of this verse right here:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1:10).

We are called to help and serve people but we should never seek to serve and gain people for ourselves, but for God. If we're not careful, the goal to gain approval from others other than striving to please God, can become idolatry in our hearts. It can implant fear, insecurity, and depression in our hearts, preventing us to do what the Lord has called us to do. Whatever it is we're doing in life, our focus should be to please and give God the glory, who has equipped you to do the work. (Colossians 3:23)

"Fear of man brings a snare, but whoever puts their trust in the Lord is safe." ~Proverbs 29:25

Constantly being afraid of others' opinions and putting our trust into them can lead us into a trap and a never ending cycle. But when we put our trust into the Lord and what he says about us, it sets us free.

It wasn't until then that I began to understand and see that my worth was in Christ that I stopped trying to please people and wanting them to like me. This can only be done by spending time with Him and in His Word. I came to the conclusion that my identity is not in what people think of me, but in what He thinks of me.

He sees me as his child. He loves me and pursues me. Every flaw that I have, He counts them as flawless. He died so that I could live a life worth pleasing to Him, not to please other people that can not do a thing for me compared to what God has done. He knew me even when in my mother's womb. He has called me to greater things and has a plan for me. And He thinks of the same for you my dear.

The more time you spend with God, the less you'll spend thinking of what others has to say or think of you. When you know where you worth and identity is found, you refuse to let people, things, and situations to determine who you are.

Throughout our lives, we will meet people we may want to impress and please into liking us. But never forget that you can't please everyone and that's okay. It's not your problem, it's theirs. No matter what others may think of you, always remember that you are already accepted, loved, and approved by the Lord Jesus Christ.

It's going to take some praying and deep seeking into the Lord but on the other end of it, there's freedom and everlasting joy in His security.

Dear Father,

Thank You for accepting us and never forsaking us. When we find ourselves looking for worth in other things or people, help us find our way back to You, our source and foundation. Help us to see ourselves the way You do and not depend on others' opinion of us. Whatever we are called to do, let us not let the opinions of others' hold us back. May our eyes stay focused on You and what You think of us. In Your name, Amen.